Beard Envy is Real, 2 Ways to Help Explain it
What is Beard Envy?
Beard envy is the emptiness that lives inside you when it comes to the subject of a beard. I’m kidding, it’s not this deep. Whether you can’t grow a beard, whether you are void of your dream beard, or you are just straight hating or jealous of anyone else’s beard, that’s beard envy.
In short, beard envy is naturally okay! I’ve been in the beard club for 10+ years now and I still run across beards that I envy. And for the record my beard is pretty damn good (I say this respectfully).
The first way to explain beard envy is that we want what we can’t have. This doesn’t pertain to just beards, this goes along with many things in day to day life if you think about it. That magnificent house, car, or girlfriend you wish you had. I can continue with dozens of examples.
The second way to explain beard envy is that it’s a compliment. Envy that we don’t have it yet, appreciation for the person that does and flaunts it perfectly. Beard envy doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
I’ve run across so many people who cannot grow a beard. Whether genetically, a career or position they have, or not being able to grow it how they want it. I had a person chase me down in the Denver International Airport one time to compliment me on my beard and ask what products I put in it. He wanted to show his appreciation.
We are going to talk about all things beard in this blog with the hopes of helping you reach similar heights and knowledge of what it takes. While also taking a look of those prominent figures who I have beard envy for.
Are you, or someone you love dearly contemplating going down the road less traveled in growing a beard?
(Sounds like an Infomercial doesn’t it?)
Congrats, you’ve come to the right place.
Welcome to the club my friend! Here, you will find others like yourself who pondered this same thought and actually went through with it.
All things considered, growing a beard has to be the perfect combination of nature vs. nurture. For those that skipped psychology 101 in college, let me break it down for you.
Nature vs. Nurture
I do believe having a beard is something you can be born with. I also feel a beard is something you can develop in your life with the right products and attention.
1st and foremost, not everyone can grow a beard.
I don’t say this to be mean or off putting, it just means that there are people who were not blessed to accomplish this feat without some major obstacles.
I, on the other hand, have been growing a beard since the age of 4.
I’m totally kidding, it hasn’t been since the age of 4 but it damn sure feels like it.
In 3rd grade I was convinced I was a mutant! I had hair under my arms and on my legs. My dad made me feel like an outcast for being this way. When in all actuality, it was his fault for the African blood and heritage I adopted directly from him.
Never the less, I knew from an early age I was different.
My Beard Inspiration
Beard inspiration always begins somewhere. As I’ve grown older, I always take notice of those who are traveling down the path I would like to be on in all aspects of life. Though celebrities and influential people have the platform to be seen, I don’t discriminate on any kind of beard. Whether highly known or relatively unknown.
James Harden
James Harden has one of the coldest beards in the game! I remember seeing him play. I was in school at Oregon and he was at Arizona State. He didn’t have his big boy beard at that time. He spent two years there before being the 3rd pick in the 2009 NBA draft. When he played in Oklahoma City is when he started the beard movement and made it into his staple.
I model my beard after his the most because I like how untamed/unkept it is. It’s that roughness to it. There is something to say about a beard that can grow wildly and sit rugged. I enjoy how my beard can do that. That’s why I often visit the barber shop and tell them not to touch a hair on my chiny chin chin.
Black Thought
This is a magnificent beard here. WOW. Black Thought is always rocking some dark shades accompanied by some type of hat. It makes his whole look. But his beard is perfectly manicured as well. Short and round on the side while protruding out the closer you get to the chin/lips area. One of my favorite features about Black Thought is how the mustache goes right into the beard and continues to curve up. It’s a blessing when your facial hair extends that high on your cheek. It makes it look extremely uniform. Another staple from an idol I stole.
Rick Ross
Rozay AKA the Red Bottom Boss. Ricky has sported his beard for a while and been one of the cleanest fat boys walking the planet. His beard is always well manicured. His beard gives the illusion that it’s super thick but it’s really rather short (not saying this in a bad way). But that’s one thing I like about it. It’s full and extends to his neck area below his chin line. I like the openness under the bottom lip but that’s usually a style for those who lack growing hair in that lip area. Fortune for me, I’ve been able to benefit from hair grown in that region.
Kembo Slice
When I talk about the ruggedness of a beard, this is what I mean. The hairs on the mustache continuing over the lips. The area under the lip being fully covered (unlike Rick Ross from above). Just a full beard of a mans man to say the least. There are even better images of this from his time in the octagon.
I remember watching Kembo in backyard brawls, paying people to let him tackle them, or learning a technique or two from Michael Jai White. Crazy stuff. Funny enough, my teammate A.J. gave me the nickname “Kembo” the first summer I was on campus. It was all love though.
Kembo went on to fight in UFC and was liked by many. Although his life is cut short unexpectedly in 2020, I will always be connected to him knowing I knew him before the world did.
Method Man
M-E-T-H-O-D MAN!! One of the best performers I’ve seen in my lifetime and he backs it up with his confident looks. He has rocked this same beard for a while. Always keeping it crisp and thick. He doesn’t mess around in the weight room either. 53 years old and not slowing down anytime soon for you clowns.
Reggie Bush
Who played football and didn’t want to be Reggie Bush?! He was everything when I was growing up and someone I looked up to in high school. Dude was unreal. Like any young man trying to grow facial hair, it was all about when you could get that “chinstrap” as we would call it. When you could get that connection from your sideburns to your goatee/chin hair. Here you will see a lesser version of a beard. A cleaner, less subtle beard. But a beard no less.
Congrats on getting your Heisman back Reg!!!!
LeBron James
I cannot compile this list and not have Goat James’ name not here. That would be absolutely haterific of me. Love everything about King James beard. He’s always had that steep angle from the sideburns into the lower half of the goatee. I think it’s one of two things, that’s roughly as high as his beard hair is growing on his cheeks or that’s his personal preference for how he wants it. With this beard life, when you have one, you can do whatever the hell you choose. No way I’m going to have less fortunate beardy people dictate what I’m doing either. We have to enjoy what God blessed us with.
I also like how you can go through Lebron’s career and see him at different junctures with different styles of facial hair to represent his age and that time period. I remember he rocked more of a short beard and goatee in Miami.
Rick Ruben
One thing I’ve always been jealous of in other people is the length of their beard. Being a black man with magical 4C hair (on my head and beard), it will always be curly and therefore never appear long in length. It will look very thick but never long unless I put a flat iron to it. I’ve meet people who have been growing their beard for a year and it be 10x’s the length of mine. But that’s why I say beard envy is real. We always want what we cannot have.
I like this beard because I wonder how mine will look when it peppers. Will it be mostly in one spot? Will I be blessed enough to have it spread around? Or will the whole beard be gray?! I guess only time will tell. This beard has plenty of wisdom in it. The front and the sides are peppered with black and gray. You can tell it hasn’t been cut in a while so he’s just letting it grow naturally on its own. Shout out to Rick Ruben for the monster beard here.
Action Bronson
What’s not to like about a red beard? I love seeing this. Though my beard is not as red as Mr. Bronson’s, I do have a couple red patches in my beard from my west African roots. They are only noticeable when up close but I think it’s one of the unique things about me. This is very similar to how I keep my beard and reminds me of an old teammate of mine who is just as stylish when he grows his beard. Shout out Action B. & my boy Sammie B.
Christolph Waltz
Amazing actor. Amazing beard. A great amount of wisdom contained in it and is very unkept. It’s amazing when you can go from looking homeless to looking wealthy. A slight of hand us bearded people have over the mere mortals.
Common
Nothing like having a bald head to bring all the attention right to your beard. Smart move Common. His beard is easy, simple, and always on point. He can’t fully grow hair in the area under his lips, but he’s managed to do a little soul patch that fits his personality perfectly.
Jake Gyllenhaal
You’ve seen him movies with and without a beard. Having a beard, or the absence of one, does so much for the character/person. It can show a disheveled look or bestow maturity. Either way, he still looks like he is doing the damn thing at the screening of a movie. Doing so in a tuxedo with a bow tie.
Jim Carey
My goodness! One of the funniest men on the planet. His beard looks like it has some type of story in it. The structure to it just throws me for a loop as it fans out over and across his chin. You can also see multiple colors in the beard depending where you look. Not bad Jim… Not bad.
David Letterman
This is what I’m talking about. Gray all over! Retirement looks good on Mr. Letterman. He could be next up to play Santa Claus if he keeps up the great work. LOTS of wisdom in this beard here.
People you may not know
A smooth smooth dude. Check that… smooth is an understatement wit this guy. Gentlemen should aim to be as well rounded as this. You can catch him at the gym, then a Mavericks game, then at an event breaking bread with other influential people. He’s an influencer and fashion inspiration to many. This dude leaves no stone unturned when he pops up on camera. Being innovative in the approach to reach his audience and the brands that want to partner with him.
The fullness and roundedness (I don’t care if this is a real word) of his beard are geometrically perfect. He isn’t lacking in any areas. From his beard to the haircut. He and his barber are a perfect match. He’s always on point anytime you see him on the camera or at a function.
Anytime you can put your beard into a damn ponytail… you are stunting! Aye super jealous of Nard Dog here. He is a fantastic cook and you can check out a lot of his stuff on YouTube. I just wonder how he keeps his beard out of all the damn pots when he gets going. This picture doesn’t do him much justice, his beard extends past the middle of his chest! He’ll stunt even more sometimes and braid it.
Above I talked about the grade of hair contributing to its length. You won’t see many black dudes with a lengthy beard such as this, but when I do I am simply amazed. There’s definitely something in his bloodline that allows this hang time, but I’m not hating. Just here to enjoy a magnificent beard is all.
Subscribe to his YouTube and learn how to cook something for your lady. She will greatly appreciate it.
This is another beard and look that just hits perfect. Allen is a style coach and he matches up to what he does for a living. Along with helping others get dressed and compile looks, his always stay on point as well. There’s nothing better than someone who does a job and you can tell how good they are by looking at them.
Not only does he do it with the clothes, he’s great at marrying the look to the person. Just looking at this dude, he’s someone you approach at the party and start a conversation with. Very welcoming and at the same time unique.
He knows what he’s doing with his hair & beard as well. Nice and thick. As the beard meshes with his chin hair, it continues to tapper to a slim pointy tip. I can’t pull this off but shout out to Allen for crushing and perfecting this unique look. He bares resemblance to an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. Straight royalty!
How it started vs. How’s it going
I can’t remember specifically seeing a beard in general that grasped me like the one I have now, but I can tell you how I began.
So it was a dark and stormy Winter night. Alright I’m kidding let me start over.
I was in high school. Like other young men, my facial hair was beginning to filter in. It first began with having enough hair toward the back of my jaw to create sideburns.
I vividly remember asking my barber “do I have enough to take my sideburn down to my jaw line?”
He looked at 5 or 6 different levels, like a mechanic does when examining your car before he tells you some outrageous price, then he responded “I think we can make it work.”
Upon handing me the mirror, I turned my chin and focused my eyes to something magical.
And there I spotted it, the sideburns that let me know I was one step closer to manhood.
You have to understand!
Gentlemen, facial hair for us is like hairstyles for the ladies.
Think about it. They do a multitude of experimenting with their hair to change their looks.
They can wear it up.
They can wear it down.
They can curl it.
They can braid it.
They can dye it.
They can rock bangs.
They can throw it back in a pony tail.
They can do a side pony tail
They can do pigtails
They can do dual braids in the front and mesh it into pigtail
DO YOU GET MY POINT? THEY CAN DO A MULTITUDE OF THINGS WITH THEIR HAIR.
They can get so versatile with their look that they can show up and appear as totally different person. I envy them for that.
Fellas, if we are going to do a drastic change, it takes time. The most drastic we can go is if we cut everything off at one point. But to grow hair in any area on our face takes time. So shout out to the ladies, keep it versatile with what you have.
Okay back to the subject at hand (Snoop Dogg Voice)
The sideburns that let me know I was one step closer to manhood.
Levels to this…
- Mustache
- Sideburns
- Chin hair
- Chin strap (connecting sideburns w/ facial hair at the bottom of your chin line)
- Goatee
- Beard
There are levels to growing a beard and sometimes, for one reason or another, they don’t get surpassed. It always happens one step at a time, unless you were born a man child and were equipped with puberty and a beard well before others (I know a couple people like this from little league football). Every completion is a milestone. A young adult could be trying to set the pace for his friend group or keep up with those flourishing faster.
Products
I do not get an endorsement or sponsorship from these products but I do genuinely love using them. I’ve sworn by them over the last few years as I have taken my beard regiment more seriously than in the past.
Scotch Porter is a great brand and the thing I value the most in their products is the smell.
I’ve used products before where the smell is too strong or off. Scotch Porter’s smell is simply a neutral charcoal masculine smell that you and your lady will like (if you have one or are in the process of getting one). It doesn’t give off too much or too little. It’s like Goldilocks, it’s justtttttt rightttttt.
The products I use the most are the beard wash, leave in conditioner, and the beard balm. I simply don’t like my beard being oily. As much as I put the phone up to my face to talk or run my fingers through my beard, I feel like that transfer of the substance is something I try to avoid at all costs.
But in all honesty, I feel like my beard is a perfect grade and use the beard balm to give it that moisture. It’s worked wonderfully in my experience and I feel comfortable with the process I have in place.
It’s very important to find what works for you. I have plenty of beard brothas who have different variations/processes when manicuring their facial hair. So don’t over look your personal preference for something after shaking up your routine and doing what works best for you.
On a beard wash day, I would wash my beard while taking a shower. I would begin with the beard wash and then move to the beard conditioner. I would use my microfiber towel after showering to absorb excess water and prevent breakage. Then, I will use my metal pick to sort through the tangled hairs by running the pick slowly through my beard. This process should be easy since it’s been throughly washed and wet. Then I would add in beard balm (a small amount). Then I would pick it out again.
- Beard wash
- Beard conditioner (or leave in conditioner)
- Beard balm
- Beard serum
At the end of this process, my beard would feel clean, full, and healthy. And I would be ready for the world.
Advice
There are some people who will tell you to use a wooden or plastic pick/comb when handling your beard and I respect all positions on the matter. My barbers that I have asked didn’t really have a preference when it came to the subject. They told me to do whatever works for me and my beard.
I argue that the most important aspect is to wash and moisturize your beard consistently and you won’t have to worry too much about the material of the tool you use for your beard. Do your research, but you should be giving your beard some TLC at least twice a week. I workout and sweat a lot so I’m upwards of three times a week. You want to make sure you aren’t washing it too much because then you strip your hair of its natural oils.
The leave in conditioner was a game changer for my life. Not wanting to always wash my beard and spend time waiting for it to dry, applying the leave in conditioner and going allows me another layer to apply to my beard repertoire. This shouldn’t take the place of washing your beard in the shower, but it’s a nice thing to explore to restore moisture.
On the Scotch Porter website, there are many different bundles you can invest in to begin your beard care journey. You don’t need to jump in the boat all at once. I would advise that you purchase the bundle of the beard wash, conditioner ($30.99) and beard balm (separately $17.99) to see how you like it before jumping on the train like me. Then once you decide that you’re in, buy the beard serum and test out if you like using all the products together. This is the bundle I usually purchase when I’m running low on all products.
The truth is, you’ll most likely run out of wash/conditioner before anything depending on the size of the bottle. I would purchase things a la carte until I really got a feel for my usage when it comes to each product.
Once you do this, then you can move up to buying the bigger bundles when using all the products. If you don’t, then buy what you like a la carte instead of purchasing what you won’t use. The biggest decision you’ll have to make is whether you like the conditioner or the leave in conditioner because that might dictate your post washing process. I keep both on hand but use the leave in more sparingly.
I think no matter the level your beard is at, it’s always important to take care of it. Washing and adding balm should be the least you do for it if you want to be a well groomed man. Remember, the more you take care of your beard, the better it will take care of you.
MY PROCESS
Beard Wash | conditioner | microfiber dry | pick out beard | beard balm | no serum | pick out beard
Stay Healthy
DD
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